Demystification Monday Fun with Hypnosis

You are gettting sleepy ... oh, wait. Maybe I should put this at the end of the post ...

Hypnosis occurs when Person 1 is guided by Person 2 to respond to suggestions. The suggestions usually involve Person 1 experiencing a change in sensation, perception, thought, or behavior. A person can do self-hypnosis as well.

*snickers*

There are a lot of misconceptions about hypnosis. The biggest one: Hypnosis is an unconscious state. Like being asleep.

Nope. Brain scan research shows that hypnotized people are totally awake. Contrary to how it's commonly portrayed in movies, hypnotized people can and do resist hypnotic suggestions, especially when asked to do things that are extreme or out of character. In reality, people under hypnosis are more in a state of heightened concentration but are still in complete control of themselves.

Some people are more suggestible than others. There are actually some procedures to test how suggestible people are. When I was in college and taking a clinical psychology course, my professor actually administered one to the class.

In this test, someone instructs you to stare at a spot on the wall and takes you through some relaxing techniques. And I swear, it does involve telling you that you feel really sleepy! They also make sure to tell you that you can only be hypnotized if you want to be.

When my professor tried to test our suggestibility, I really attempted to get into the spirit of the thing, even though I am a nasty, horrible skeptic (don't tell me something's true unless you want me to ask you HOW you know). She instructed us to try a bunch of things, like imagining our arms were really heavy or stiff. The funniest one was when she told us to imagine there was a mosquito buzzing around the room and landing on our hands. Someone next to me slapped her own hand so hard I nearly fell out of my chair. It was hilarious (sometimes I am a bad person).

In hypnosis stage acts, the entertainer uses a lot of techniques to 1) look for a really suggestible audience member and 2) play a lot of little verbal tricks to make it look like the hypnosis is working (they also sometimes just tell the person that they're going to help play a trick on the audience and to go along with the joke). Don't get that confused with the real deal.

Research has shown that hypnosis (hypnotherapy) can be effective in pain management, weight loss, and stress control. Also, can help with some sexual conditions! Woohoo! Ahem. Sorry.

What about retrieving lost memories??? Dun-dun-dun. You know, like using hypnosis to help someone figure out if she was abused as a child? Well, research shows that hypnosis does NOT help improve the accuracy of a memory--but it does increase a person's confidence in the truth of inaccurate memories!

Anyone seen that movie The Fourth Kind? Some hypnotherapists were totally ticked about that movie, which is about a hypnotherapist helping people retrieve memories of alien abductions. At this point, there's quite a bit of research to suggest that trying to dig up memories this way is pretty risky and untrustworthy.

If you're writing about mind control or hypnosis in a paranormal or fantastical sense, go to town. Get crazy. Give the vampire swirly eyes and make your hero to wild, unimagined things while in the grips of hypnosis.

If you're writing contemporary, at least go to Wikipedia and look up hypnosis and, if relevant, false memories, because the real world is a lot more complicated.

Have any of you been hypnotized? What was it like?

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Kids TV Characters with Developmental and Emotional Disorders

First, I need to say that the comments on Monday's post just made me happy. There were a few different opinions, but everybody was really respectful and thoughtful, and I'm really honored that you guys took the time to share your views.

I've emailed many of you who commented, but I wanted to share some of my thoughts about this issue. I presented an example of a character in a children's television show who was portrayed in a rather stereotyped fashion and asked, essentially, if it was better than nothing.

Some of you said yes--at least the writers tried to include a character with a developmental disorder like Asperger's, and it's better than pretending individuals with such disorders don't exist. The assumption here is that it's important to include diverse characters (and obviously, I'm talking about stuff way beyond racial/ethnic diversity) in children's television. I agree with this assumption. Our world is diverse. Religiously, sexually, ethnically, neurologically ... people are enormously complex--and in each of our dimensions, we vary tremendously, and that's really cool. It ain't just heterosexual-neurotypical-white folk watching the telly, right? Right. So we should have television characters that reflect that diversity.

Some of you said no--this type of stereotypical portrayal is not good at all. It's insulting and potentially harmful. Aaaaand ... I agree. Let me tell you a story (and by that, I mean a mash-up of an experience I've had way too many times): I'm sitting with the parents of a five-year-old, and I'm telling them that I'm diagnosing their child with autistic disorder. You know what they say? "But he acts NOTHING LIKE RAIN MAN!" I can almost see their thoughts--they are picturing their adorable child as an adult living in an institution and counting matchsticks.

That alone is heartbreaking. But you know what's worse? Sometimes, a parent has had concerns for a few years. Maybe they even worked up the courage to speak it aloud to a grandmother-aunt-neighbor-friend-stranger. And that person said, "Pshah. He acts nothing like Rain Man. You don't need to have him evaluated."

I've worked with people who put evaluations off for a year or two in part because of this very thing--media portrayals that are extreme or very stereotyped. Sometimes it means that the child has missed one or two years of treatment.

In that case, I would say that stereotyped portrayals have done some damage. The problem is, when we only see the extreme or the stereotyped, it's easy to be blinded to the complete continuum.



This is the late Kim Peek. Dustin Hoffman's character in Rain Man was based on him. He was what is known as a "savant" and memorized about 9000 books before his death in 2009. He also couldn't button his clothes. His presentation was NOT typical of individuals with autism spectrum disorders. He was an extreme. I'm not saying it was wrong to make that movie--by all accounts the portrayal was accurate. But if it's one of the few out there, it leaves viewers thinking "this is what people with autism spectrum disorders are like."


Usually, my first response to controversial stuff on TV is to say "if parents are going to let their kids watch it, they should watch it with their kids and talk about it." I feel that way about this issue, but it doesn't get rid of my concerns. Because what if the parent doesn't know much more about autism spectrum disorders than the kid? That parent is dependent upon the writers and creators of those shows to present an accurate picture of an individual with one of these diagnoses. I happen to think this is ESPECIALLY TRUE of children's television shows where the clear goal of the portrayal is to raise awareness and sensitivity, as was the case with that episode of Dino Squad. The things is, so often the symptoms of this disorder (and many others) are subtle and not easily recognized unless you know exactly what to look for.

I won't go on and on. This is a tricky issue--both in adult and children's television. We need diversity, but it needs to be nuanced and sensitive, well-researched and informed by real-world experience. I'm pretty sure we can all agree on that.

On the Sisterhood of the Traveling Blog front, check out Deb's post on "In my writing, I always/never ___"!

Living with Extreme Pain

Waking up on a beautiful morning like this one used to cause me joy. I love to see the sun out, a cloudless sky overhead and a cacophony of birds singing. But after two hours sleep, and trigeminal neuralgia pain, I barely even notice the weather. 

Sleep deprivation is beginning to take it's toll. I can notice it in myself that I have permanent bags under my eyes, I am extremely pale (and as I am a red head that gets a sunburn in five minutes, that is saying something.) I also have little or no energy. Constant pain is taking so much away from me. The burning never ceases, the stabbing pain feels like there is an ice-pick plunging into my left ear and all those shocks... they literally bring me to my knees. 

These aren't the only symptoms though. I have little vision in my left eye (still, after six weeks) and occasionally my left arm goes numb, then pain shoots up and down from my neck and shoulder to my fingers. The dexterity in my left hand is also poor and I am freaking out over it. This could be a part of the migraine element to my TN coming out to play. As my Trigeminal Neuralgia is type 2, I get no relief, no rest and no respite from this hell. 

I am living in hope that these medications I am taking religiously will start to ease this pain, but after a year the pain is getting increasingly worse. What I called a 10 a few weeks ago is now an 8, the new 10 has hit me like a sledgehammer, I didn't think my body could cope with this, and I don't know what I will do if the pain gets any worse. 

There is so much that I can't do any more, so many things that I used to enjoy that has little or no meaning to me now. Last year I read over 150 books, I devoured them, but with the loss of vision, low concentration and increasing pain, I find it hard to read as much. I still read, but occasionally, and I know I am missing out. The list could go on and on. 

I know there are people out there in a worse state that I am in, and I do have a lot to be grateful for. I have an amazing family, who do everything they can to help and support me. I also have also met some terrific people from a support group (links below).

Depression is something I am trying to fight. I have read a lot of how people cope the chronic pain, and depression comes hand in hand with pain sometimes. Accepting and making peace with the fact that I have this condition has helped. For the longest time, the impact was lost on me, but now I get it. There are things that I can't do at the moment, and that will change in the future (I hope). 

Despite everything that Trigeminal Neuralgia and facial pain can take from us, we have to keep hoping, keep fighting, and although there are days that the excruciating pain seems never-ending, there is a lot to be grateful for. I feel that I have become more understanding of people suffering pain, and although there are people around us that haven't a clue what TN is, they may be fighting their own battles. I know what it feels like to be alone and wallow in self pity, and there are days that it takes over, but every TN warrior needs to reach out to others, accept help and then give help in return. It isn't a vicious circle, it's a great one. 

I have discovered a TN group and the people are all awesome. I know that there are support groups around the globe, and I am also a member of some of these too. The people in these groups are so kind and caring and above all they understand the pain, the desperation and the anger like no one else. 

I know I am suffering from hellish pain and sleep deprivation on top of that, but I am not alone. My GP is also on my side, and that in itself is valuable. He knows everything about TN, and he understands the pain, the anger and the sadness. Having a good doctor is crucial, and if anyone reads this who are not happy with their current GP, it is easy to find another one. 

If the pain is beginning to take over, and the anger is beginning to boil over, reach out! If you aren't on Facebook, contact me and if I can help I will, and if I cannot help I will point you in the right direction. I have this monster for a year, and I learn new things about it every day.

 It is so rare, correct information is so sparse, and that has prompted us at the Trigeminal Neuralgia Ireland Support Group to set up a webpage, fight to light buildings up teal for the International Trigeminal Neuralgia Awareness Day on October 7th, and we have also fought and won to get noticed in the media!! There was an Irish Independent article featuring some of our group members discussing TN! It's a small step to awareness, but right now it's momentous. 

Some crucial links:

Trigeminal Ireland Web Page 

Irish Independent Article on Trigeminal Neuralgia







Trigeminal Neuralgia Ireland Support Group

My Battle With Trigeminal Neuralgia - Facebook

The Waters of the Afterlife Are Filled with Man Killing Fish

I recently had a conversation with Littlest Son, now age 6. Somehow we got on to speaking of the meaning of life, and where he might have been before he graced us with his presence on the planet.

Mom: Where were you before you got here?

Son: In the Before Place. It's just grass. Grass and lots of darkness, and people talking in the darkness.

Mom: Babies about to be born—they're the ones who are talking?

Son: No, there are no ages in the Before Place. Well, actually, everyone is five years old.

Mom: What about life after you die—do you think there is an afterlife? What's it like there?

Son: How would I know?! I am not dead yet!

Mom: But what do you think it might be like there?

Son: Oh, it is all trees and grass and flowers! Everything is very beautiful. And peaceful. Half of the world is grass and trees, and the other half of the world is water. The water is blue. It's all beautiful!

Mom: And?

Son: And the part of the world that is water is totally filled with sharks.

Mom: Sharks?

Son: Oh yeah, sharks.

Mom: So, in the afterlife, you can't even swim because the water is completely shark-infested?

Son: Yes, but this is only including those sharks who have died. Not all sharks.

Mom: So, a reduced number of sharks?

Son: Yes.

Mom: What about the bunnies? Aren't there any bunnies in the afterlife? Butterflies? Nice things like that?

Son: Nope, only sharks!

In the category of "Where on Earth did we come from?" you might also like The Oeuf Room.

Breaking the Argument Habit with Your Adolescent by Shari Steelsmith

Tip—If you don’t have to be right, you don’t have to argue.

Last week we discussed some of the typical dynamics between parents and children when they argue. Typically, what happens is a youngster will make a complaint (“There’s never anything to eat around here” or, “Vacuum? I just did that last week!”) or make a provocative statement (“Racism is no big deal.”). Parents will then engage and argue about the merits of the teen’s position. Instead of listening calmly and responding, “Wow. Why didn’t I think of that? You’re right, Mom. Thanks for explaining it so well to me,” the adolescent usually just argues more passionately for her own position.

Tools—Louise Tracy, middle school counselor and parent of six, offers some wise guidance for avoiding arguments in her book, Grounded for Life?! Stop Blowing Your Fuse and Start Communicating with Your Teenager. Instead of automatically arguing with your youngster when she complains or announces she won’t do something, try these techniques instead.

• Respond to complaints in low-key monosyllables. When your child makes outrageous comments, answer with an inquisitive, “Oh?” Or, “Hmm,” “Ah,” or “Huh.” When you hear your son complain, “Why’d you have to put in a lawn anyway? Mowing every week is pointless,” you can respond with a gently inquisitive, “Oh?” The point is to make your response neutral, while indicating listening, not judging. This sort of listening reassures your teen that, 1. You’re listening, and 2. You care about his concerns. It also invites a child to elaborate rather than defend his position. This teen might go on to reveal that his allergies flare up badly when he does yard work, rather than argue the merits of maintaining a lawn or the fairness of the chore.
• Start your response with “Yes.” Your child is expecting you to argue with her. Passionate complaints and outrageous statements are a bit like throwing down a challenge. Don’t pick it up. Instead, find some way to agree with part of her position. If she says, “We have the ugliest car in town!” Say, “Yes, it is getting old.” If he says, “I don’t need to do my English homework. I’ve read everything in the library worth reading already,” you can answer, “Yes, you do read a lot.” Listen to your youngster’s position. Re-state it back to them in a non-judgmental way. If you don’t argue, then he or she is free to go on to problem solve.
• Don’t take a position on anything the first time it comes up for discussion. Instead, comment on your child’s knowledge, thinking, and concern about a subject. For example, your child says, “That’s just so stupid that marijuana is illegal. What were they thinking?” Instead of diving in with your opinions (and worries), inquire gently, “Why do you say that?” He might surprise you with some thoughts about the state budget and taxes that could be charged on legalized marijuana sales. You could then comment, “Wow. You’ve really thought about this issue.” You can save your viewpoint for the second or third (calm) discussion on the topic. By this time your teen will trust that you have a certain amount of respect for his opinions and will be in a more open frame of mind to hear your thoughts on the issue.
• If you don’t have to be right, you don’t have to argue. Avoid opposing a subject the first time it is presented. Listen for points of agreement. If you don’t have to be right, there doesn’t have to be an argument.

You’ll find more practical tips you can use right now in Grounded for Life?! Stop Blowing Your Fuse and Start Communicating with Your Teenager by Louise Felton Tracy, M.S.

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